Once upon a time, I started another blog that would be all about my pregnancy and then after that was over, my new small person.
I can’t even remember what nonsense I made up about why I did (though if I looked probably one post below this one, I could figure it out pretty quick), but the real reason was that this blog was just too mouthy and (dare I stroke my own ego) funny for my enormous, emotional, boring, pregnant ass. I guess maybe I thought that since I was becoming a mom, I had to be all serious about things now. What I didn’t realize then is that having a kid would make me even less serious than I was before. The silliness would just be fueled by stories about her projectile vomit instead of my own after a Jager bomb bender.
Also. I am so so so sorry to say this, but…I hate Blogspot. I really do. I tried, but if Blogspot were a one night stand, I would not want to buy it breakfast in the morning. I just couldn’t get into it. This is, was, and always will be my home.
So let’s see. What has happened in the past 3 months? Well on that other blog, I posted 6 days before my March 5th due date about how I was going to stop working. That I couldn’t wait until I went into labor because every a-hole in my office was driving me insane with their “OH EM GEE you’re STILL HERE” bullsh!t, and also I could barely waddle two feet without peeing myself. Friday, March 2nd was my last day of work and I felt like I would wait around probably forever after that for my spawn to make her grand entrance.
Then wouldn’t you know that 5 minutes after getting into bed the night of Sunday, March 4th, I would feel an enormous POP! (SO GROSS!), and would be on my way to the hospital where I would endure 16 hours of labor only to get to 10 cm dilated and have the doctor inform me that oh! don’t push! she’s sunny side up! And then suggest that I just go ahead with a c-section. Which at that point sounded like the most wonderful idea ever because GET. HER. THE. EFF. OUT.
Betty Alice was born at 4:14pm on her due date and obviously we all know she didn’t get that kind of punctuality from her mother. She weighed a whopping 8lbs, 5oz and was 21.5 inches long. Because I had a c-section, I got to be home with her for 8 weeks instead of 6, which ended up being nice, though it didn’t seem like it would be at first when her initial shrieking made me wish I could run out into traffic. She was 3 months old last Tuesday and the worst of the random screamy-ness seems to have worn off. Here is a compilation of pictures of her from newborn ’til now since you have missed any and all updates about her unless you are my Facebook friend:
It’s also a good representation of the gradual baldness that has been occurring over the past three months. But holy crap! Isn’t she cute!? Her current interests include eating, things that light up, not napping EVER, this stuffed rabbit thing that I call “Puppy” because I’m stupid like that, and trying to fit her whole fist in her mouth, which I haven’t done since freshman year of college. She was born with a full head of black hair and now is sporting a pretty sweet mullet. If she is anything like her father and me, her hair will hopefully grow back, and it will be blonde. Her eyes are currently blue like mine and I’m thinking they may stay that way, but I know that’s subject to change any time in the next several months. Also she is a giant and can already fit in some 6-9 month clothes.
I should mention that she is rocking a Nelly-style bandaid on her face in the top left picture because the doctor sliced her with the scalpel during delivery. That’s a story for another day though.
As for me, I’m working very hard on being a MILF. I have lost (get ready to hate me) all the baby weight, plus a couple pounds. I felt comfortable enough to wear a bikini at the beach last weekend and people seemed genuinely shocked that I had just birthed a baby 13 weeks ago.
So yeah. Here I am. I wonder if I’m even in anyone’s reader anymore. I guess I’m about to find out.