Once upon a time, I started another blog that would be all about my pregnancy and then after that was over, my new small person.
I can’t even remember what nonsense I made up about why I did (though if I looked probably one post below this one, I could figure it out pretty quick), but the real reason was that this blog was just too mouthy and (dare I stroke my own ego) funny for my enormous, emotional, boring, pregnant ass. I guess maybe I thought that since I was becoming a mom, I had to be all serious about things now. What I didn’t realize then is that having a kid would make me even less serious than I was before. The silliness would just be fueled by stories about her projectile vomit instead of my own after a Jager bomb bender.
Also. I am so so so sorry to say this, but…I hate Blogspot. I really do. I tried, but if Blogspot were a one night stand, I would not want to buy it breakfast in the morning. I just couldn’t get into it. This is, was, and always will be my home.
So let’s see. What has happened in the past 3 months? Well on that other blog, I posted 6 days before my March 5th due date about how I was going to stop working. That I couldn’t wait until I went into labor because every a-hole in my office was driving me insane with their “OH EM GEE you’re STILL HERE” bullsh!t, and also I could barely waddle two feet without peeing myself. Friday, March 2nd was my last day of work and I felt like I would wait around probably forever after that for my spawn to make her grand entrance.
Then wouldn’t you know that 5 minutes after getting into bed the night of Sunday, March 4th, I would feel an enormous POP! (SO GROSS!), and would be on my way to the hospital where I would endure 16 hours of labor only to get to 10 cm dilated and have the doctor inform me that oh! don’t push! she’s sunny side up! And then suggest that I just go ahead with a c-section. Which at that point sounded like the most wonderful idea ever because GET. HER. THE. EFF. OUT.
Betty Alice was born at 4:14pm on her due date and obviously we all know she didn’t get that kind of punctuality from her mother. She weighed a whopping 8lbs, 5oz and was 21.5 inches long. Because I had a c-section, I got to be home with her for 8 weeks instead of 6, which ended up being nice, though it didn’t seem like it would be at first when her initial shrieking made me wish I could run out into traffic. She was 3 months old last Tuesday and the worst of the random screamy-ness seems to have worn off. Here is a compilation of pictures of her from newborn ’til now since you have missed any and all updates about her unless you are my Facebook friend:
It’s also a good representation of the gradual baldness that has been occurring over the past three months. But holy crap! Isn’t she cute!? Her current interests include eating, things that light up, not napping EVER, this stuffed rabbit thing that I call “Puppy” because I’m stupid like that, and trying to fit her whole fist in her mouth, which I haven’t done since freshman year of college. She was born with a full head of black hair and now is sporting a pretty sweet mullet. If she is anything like her father and me, her hair will hopefully grow back, and it will be blonde. Her eyes are currently blue like mine and I’m thinking they may stay that way, but I know that’s subject to change any time in the next several months. Also she is a giant and can already fit in some 6-9 month clothes.
I should mention that she is rocking a Nelly-style bandaid on her face in the top left picture because the doctor sliced her with the scalpel during delivery. That’s a story for another day though.
As for me, I’m working very hard on being a MILF. I have lost (get ready to hate me) all the baby weight, plus a couple pounds. I felt comfortable enough to wear a bikini at the beach last weekend and people seemed genuinely shocked that I had just birthed a baby 13 weeks ago.
Basically…GO ME.
So yeah. Here I am. I wonder if I’m even in anyone’s reader anymore. I guess I’m about to find out.
YAY UPDATE! I’m your friend on Facebook so I was already well aware that Miss Betty had made her grand entrance, but it’s still exciting to read your posts
She is ADORABLE! Of course, I already knew this being your FB friend and all
That is AMAZING you have lost all the baby weight PLUS some! I pray mine comes off as fast as yours did (when my husband decides he wants ginger babies!) xoxo
love love love! she is gorgeous, congrats times a million. I looked around the internets often for updates on betty, am so happy to see one!
She is cute! She doesn’t even look that scary.
I think even Heidi Klum hates you.
I nearly peed myself when I saw you had blogged ;]
But seriously, I’ve been stalking away with Betty’s development on the facebook and she is adorbs!
Cut her? Cut them!
You can be hilarious even if you are a mom, kids mellow you out and it’s great…once you past that 3-4 month window of wanting to run into traffic. Then it gets better every day…well, most days.
Welcome back!!
Yay! I’m so glad you wrote the birth story. She is a freakin’ gorgeous baby and good on you for losing the baby weight! Glad to see you back.
she’s gorgeous! not every baby can pull of the facial bandage look….but she rocks it! and ummm….yeah, i have to hate you a little bit for the baby weight loss. sorry, but i want everyone post baby fat and miserable on the beach just like me
seriously though…go you!
She is so cute! Congratulations!
So glad to that both you and Betty is doing well, but I will also hate you for loosing all your babyweight so fast… mine took way longer, then again I wasn’t offered a beach trip to motivate me;-)
YAY!! So glad you’re back! I’ve missed you. Betty is freaking adorable! Congratulations!
My friend’s baby vomited on me the other day. I was wearing a white shirt. It was awesome.
She’s absolutely precious. Congrats! Glad to see you back!
Congrats on your beautiful baby girl.
She is beautiful – but yeah, you pretty much suck for losing all that weight. ;P
Congrats! She is ADORABLE. I love her face in the last picture.
I haven’t had kids yet, but I still hate you just a little bit for losing the weight.
OMG, she is freaking adorable!! Yay babies, yay girl babies
But, you suck in that you have lost your baby weight AND wore a bikini even though you had a C-section.
Oh, how is Baby G dealing with all the squally cuteness that is babies? I remember our cat would have nothing to do with our first (I think it was because she was a HUGE screamer) but would let our second practically maul her. It was quite amusing.
She’s beautiful – good job! And welcome back. Missed you.
She is beautiful. I have been stalking you and wondering when the hell you were going to update because OMG need your blog. I’m still here – you’re one of my favorites and always will be!
She is so adorable!!
And welcome back, mama! We missed you
YAY! You’re back and I’m late to the Betty Recap party!!! I had wondered what happened to her precious little cheek.. YIKES! You will need to share that story when you have time. I hope you keep posting here. I miss your AWESOME stories! oxox
P.S. she’s the cutest darn thing ever, mullet and all!
Seriously go you for getting back to your summer ready body and Betty is too cute – mullet and all!
xoxo,
Chic ‘n Cheap Living
Wow, aren’t you a rockstar with the weight loss? Go, Salt!
HEY THERE!
Long time no see (or read).
Congratulations on your beautiful little girl!
I guess I should come around more often…
YAY!!!! You’re back
I check back here from time to time and was so happy you updated. OMG, your little munchkin is SOOOO STINKIN’ CUTE!!! Awwwwwww.
And GO YOU with the weight loss. Seriously. I hate you already. :p I kid. That’s wonderful; rock that bathing suit this summer!
XOXO
Yay, you’re back! I’m the worst blogger ever now but I check yours every so often! Almost baby’s first football season (and omg, she was born and the orioles stopped losing every game!! this is epic.)
She will also be about the perfect age for an elite gymnast in the 2028 olympics…just sayin. Or a swimmer or a runner. Never too early to train crazy athletes
I hope you all are doing well and that you have a happy 4th!
Hope you are enjoying life as a new momma! Miss you, girly! XOXO
Omg. First, I love that we shared a due date (10 years apart but who cares).
Second, I love our punctual children born on their due dates.
March 5th is the best day to have a baby. <3
you are still in my reader – and I’m back w/blogger – I’m crazy like that
Better is super precious. she is cute as a button. Enjoy every minute of it!!
Congrats Salt! It’s been such a long time. She’s absolutely beautiful.